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Sunday, May 13th, 2007
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6:05 pm - Thirst
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Lust likens to all consuming fire
An energy coiled in the bottom of the soul
Useful stuff
Yes, dear, hold still for a moment
Just like that
Watch what rises
Oh, yes - i forgot to tell you
It's called living water
Wet
Hot
Alive
Searing to the truth of you
That place where you are not
Yes, dear, hold still for a moment
Just like that
Just be.
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| Saturday, March 3rd, 2007
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9:52 pm - Opening
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Ripe sunset waits in clouds
pregnant with expectation
The mind pulls down the dream
Doorway to a destiny yet unlived
The Now presents itself over and over
satisfied and unsatisfied
like a lover
one
simple
act -
be.
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| Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
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8:09 am - Essence
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"A thousand half-loves must be foresaken to take one whole heart home." - Rumi
There is a distillation that occurs in a slave over time. she is reduced to her purity, the paradox of course being that in that reduction, she is expanded. she experiences her wholeness at first in relation to her Master, but even that falls away, and she experiences just being slave, and then just being. The essence of a thing is its fundamental character with no distracting elements to alter it. It just is. There, slave exists in the strength of what she is. A wisdom shines through. Imagine walking on a wooded path and passing many strangers. Each one is dressed in the finest clothing, saying, "Here, here, I am your Master! Over here!" Some strut about, puffed up, pompous, egos on display like peacock feathers flashing. Some are quite humble, shyly asking for the lady's hand like little Sir Galahads seeking to whisk one away to a shiny pleasure palace. But there is One who stands back a bit, far down the pathway, His bright eyes glint like jewels reflecting wisdom, joy, amusement, and deviance! As the little one nears, He simply holds out His Big Hand, and she hesitates at first as she looks back at what-could-have-been. To take His hand is to let go of a thousand half-loves, of the world itself, letting go of all to become all. There is no going back. There is only going Home.
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| Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
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8:02 am - True Magic
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"Of course there must be lots of Magic in the world, but people don't know what it is like or how to make it. Perhaps the beginning is just to say nice things are going to happen until you make them happen...The Magic works best when you work, yourself. You can feel it in your bones..." - The Secret Garden
"True Magic is the Magic of Reality, as it is: the earth of earth, the water of water. When you make a connection with the elemental quality of existence, that is to bring out the brilliant and genuine qualities of your environment and of your own being, you begin to contact the Magic of Reality. You can actually attract the power and strength and the primordial wisdom that arise from the Cosmic Mirror." - Shambhala, The Sacred Path of the Warrior
Magic is often imagined as the invocation and expression of personal power focused to bring forth miracles. The Magician alone knows the secret words and rites, and the common people may go to him or her to petition for an ending to their suffering. But that is no true Magic. Magic can never come from ego. Magic is available all the time to all. It is a part of who and what we are, and it is only when we are able to step aside from the ego self and align ourselves with what-is that we will begin to experience true Magic in our day-to-day existence.
Recently, in the news, there was a story of a man who jumped into the subway tracks to save a little boy who had fallen onto the tracks. Of course, the news likes to call such people "heroes," but in fact, this man had entered into a place outside his own ego to a place of pure service. There was no thought, just doing and being, an alignment with what-is. And in that doing and being place, Magic happened as the train passed over both of them without harm.
For Master and slave, this alignment with what-is is echoed in their alignment as Master/slave. Each places the ego aside in favor of the greater whole. This allows the inner, true self to emerge over time, unfolding like the petals of a flower into beauty. There is a purity that comes through, and from this purity will come the power and strength and wisdom that is truth, Magic, Love. It is the face in the Cosmic Mirror, not the slave's pretty little face or the Master's rugged one. To rest in that place of truth is to bring health, serenity, joy, and growth in alignment with the Universe itself. And that is true Magic.
respectfully,
slave
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| Monday, January 8th, 2007
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8:19 am - Unaltered States
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"Your actions mean nothing - the sex and the war that you do.
You're holding part of your pants and prancing around singing
Dun-da-dun, dun-da-dun
Don't wait until you die to see this.
Recognize that your imagination and your thinking
and your sense perception are reed canes
that children cut and pretend are horsies.
The knowing of mystic lovers is different.
The empirical, sensory, sciences are like a donkey loaded with books,
or like a woman's makeup.
It washes off.
But if you lift the baggage rightly, it will give you joy.
Don't carry your knowledge-load for some selfish reason.
Deny your desires and willfulness,
and a real mount may appear under you.
Don't be satisfied with the name of the All, with just words about it.
Experience that breathing.
From books and words come fantasy,
and sometimes, from fantasy comes union." - Rumi
At times, i am asked by this one or that one how do i see myself, or when is the first time i had awareness of who and what i am - as if it were a moment frozen in time, or a face in the mirror that never changes. my experience has been one of a gradual uncovering. We are taught to live in a constricted version of reality where we live and work and have sex and make wars. It is the veneer of our civilization. But for each of us, beneath the culture clothes, beneath all the ritual of life, we just are. It is not a matter of Master or slave there. The act of Mastery or slavery is a perspective and a vehicle for living without any clothes at all. one removes them layer by layer over time to reveal the core awareness. It is a spiritual act, and it is why one can quote Rumi or any one of a number of other such mystical writers to illuminate this place, to illuminate the complexity and the simplicity of simply being. Within this construct, sexual lusts and desires are controlled, channeled, focused, to allow for a deepening of the bond, for a furthering of movement into the core selves, by creating union, intensity, awareness. Within this construct, there are many other tools used to allow this process to continue, be it pain, power, control, restrictions, etc. It is the context and the intent with which these acts are done, just as holy rites themselves, which create the path, which allow us to transcend our base natures into the sublime.
This uncovering occurs with or without the other if one is so oriented as Master or slave. The other is a facilitator, actuator, lover, friend, guide, muse, intimate knower of one's soul. Together, the two share the path, coming as equals parts of the whole created in that union. To piece another together may provide a Master with a sense of fulfillment, yet it is also a distraction in itself. It is only when two come together with understanding that a mutual uncovering can ever become possible, and where, from fantasy may come union.
And so, it is not sub space or Dom space or outer space that is the core. It is to reach that place where there is no dilution, no adulteration or alteration. It is a pure awareness, a pure loving, the place where this or that becomes this and that, where "you" and "i" make no sense, and where we are just be-ing.
respectfully,
slave
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| Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
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12:04 pm - Whom does the Grail serve?
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"The psychology of Individuation shows that the the actualization of self is the process of becoming whole, of completeness. The whole person is one in whom all sides of herself have been combined into a total person. This paradoxical unity of self is a combination of opposites - life is never this or that, but this and that. The person who would be whole must undergo a great pilgrimage and journey - must search, often painfully, for the ground and fulfillment of her being."
For a slave, the Grail is the true self, the core of her being. she IS the Grail. In service, she finds her self moving, not from her outward "ego" self, but rather from the truth of her reality, from her very soul. From this standpoint, there are many levels in Master/slave relationships, the ideal being that relationship where the Master and slave are each representatives to the other of deep states inside the self. For the slave, she becomes his muse, his art, living out her femininity, expressing her wholeness as he guides her. For the Master, He becomes the mirror of her totality, at once that which she actually is, and also, that which she worships, understanding the sacredness, even the mystery, of the union itself.
"Geothe came to the astounding observation late in life that the province of man is to serve woman; then she will serve him. He was talking about the inner woman, the muse. She is the carrier of the beauty, the inspiration, the delicacy of the whole feminine side of life. It is beautiful, each serving the other back and forth."
In stating that "the province of man is to serve woman," Goethe was not speaking of female domination. He was speaking to the essence of that which is Manhood. A true Master "takes" a woman, mind/body/heart/soul, and in so doing, reaches into his own archetypal and fundamental soul. In order to do so, he must know her even as he knows himself. This serving a woman is the full acceptance of her as she is, but also of that which is inside of him. Thus, the slave becomes the muse, the embodiment and the living out of the subconscious processes that are in fact our foundations and our reality.
And so, the Master finds his Holy Grail. And so, that cup is filled as both are fulfilled, until it does indeed runneth over.
"If you will serve your reality, you will be flooded with happiness. But if you merely search for happiness, you will dispel the very happiness for which you are seeking."
It is never about "me."
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| Friday, December 22nd, 2006
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5:52 pm - Moving Through
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"For the raindrop, joy is in entering the river...Travel far enough into sorrow, tears turn into sighing; When after heavy rain, the storm clouds disperse, is it not that they have wept themselves clear to the end?" - Ghalib
For a slave, the opportunity to serve allows her to experience the joy of entering the river. she is able to step outside her "self," and over time, the "self" becomes a whisper in the background, like a long-forgotten dreamscape that is no longer quite "real." For one who is not owned but who understands she is slave, she moves into a place of commitment to service in the world, to practices of the spirit, in order to continually place the mirror of her own truth in front of her, and in order to know the joy and gratitude of freedom from the anchors of the "self."
Do not confuse "self" with "personality," however. Many grimace at the thought of stepping out of the "self," and imagine a slave as a kind of automoton who speaks in monotones. We can all remember our tumultuous teen years, when the mirror was a magnification of every flaw, and when our sole concern was in how the world viewed us. We were "self" centered, and over time and with maturity, we learn to move out of that "self" place and to do what is best for others, not just for ourselves. Some do. Some never do. But a slave must. she is pulled by a need that is her hunger to serve, and it is her nourishment, her sustenance.
It is only her counterpart, the Master, who understands this need for what it is. He provides her with a place of respite where she is able to place what we have come to call the "vanilla self," and the "slave self," the wholeness of that, in His care, with the confidence that He will shape it according to what is best for both of them. Service is active, not passive, and the slave works with all her talents and gifts to provide the best possible service from her inner being; yet, she is also the one who is essentially a vessel, emptied of that ego self. It is her fulfillment to be so, and this is why those who do not see the underlying spiritual nature of slavery are doomed to being actors on a stage of their own imaginations, tethered to their own flesh-desires, forever creating exotic erotic scenarios purely for an orgasmic ending. It is akin to living in a sea of desserts - it is pleasant, yes, but a mere sugar-rush as opposed to obtaining the nutrients necessary for real growth and real life.
"The emperor of China asked a renowned Buddhist Master if it would be possible to illustrate the nature of self in a visible way. In response, the Master had a sixteen-sided room appointed with floor-to-ceiling mirrors that faced one another exactly. In a center he hung a candle aflame. When the emperor entered, he could see the individual candle flame in thousands of forms, each of the mirrors extending it far into the distance. Then the Master replaced the candle with a small crystal. The emperor could see the small crystal reflected again in every direction. When the Master pointed closely at the crystal, the emperor could see the whole room of thousands of crystals reflected in each tiny facet of the crystal in the center. The Master showed how the smallest particle contains the whole universe. True emptiness is not empty, but contains all things. The mysterious and pregnant void creates and reflects all possibilities. From it arises our individuality, which can be discovered and developed, although never "possessed" or "fixed." The self is held in no-self, as the candle flame is held in great emptiness."
Such is the slave, and when she is allowed to become truly empty, she knows her joy.
respectfully,
little slave
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5:50 pm - The Lesson
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This past July, it was my birthday, and i became 58 years old. i have lived alone since 1992, and i have no children. i am estranged from my mother and my brother due to a history of abuse. i have no real life friendships, and my contact with the world is through work and online. i have acqaintances at work, and i have people here online with whom i feel extremely close.
i say all this because it is the custom on birthdays for my office to acknowledge them by the girls giving each other gifts and by the boss arranging to take us all out to lunch for a little celebration. This year, it was not to be. Everyone forgot. i had received no cards, either, from anyone. And so, i went to work, and there was nothing on my desk from anyone, and i realized that it had been forgotten.
At that point, i had a choice to make. i could announce that it was my birthday, or not. For me, it became a moral dilemma, entirely. As slave, i have struggled with the concept of "ego," and how to step away from that in order to serve fully and to focus on the other, not on me. And so, i decided to forego this announcement and to think of something else to do instead.
It just so happens that i had gone to GNC to buy my usual vitamins when the clerk whom i knew there told me he had been accepted at Seminary and was going to be leaving on July 29, the day of my birthday. Of course, he did not know it was my birthday, but i did. i decided to give him a gift for my birthday, reversing the usual trend, and to do some other kind deeds as the opportunity arose along the way.
So, i went to the Christian store ( i do not identify as a Christian), and i bought a nice card which said basically that our purpose is always being opened to us, and we are being used in ways we do not always know, as well as a book mark upon which was written a verse about us all being the branches which come out of the One, and so we do His/Its works. i felt, as slave, that it spoke to my own philosophies. When i gave the clerk the present, he had actual tears because he did not think anyone cared. How could i have known that?
But i left worried. i left worried that the reason i had done this was to make my self feel good, to think inside of me that i am a better person and slave because i do things for others. i felt so bad. i do not want to be a bad slave or a bad person. i do not want to be the kind of person and slave who goes around doing things for her own ego gratification, but rather to be a person and slave who gives her all from within that place that just is.
i had to go to the supermarket, some ways away from the GNC, and i went in with these thoughts weighing heavily on me. There was hardly anyone in the store as it was midafternoon on a very rainy Friday, and i walked into a totally empty aisle to get some water - in the middle of that aisle, just sitting there weighted to the floor, was a lone helium balloon with the words, "Happy Birthday," written on it. i broke into tears. i felt that the Universe, the Big Master, had looked into my heart and said it was ok for me to do what i had done. That i was learning to give my all from my heart and soul and all of me, not to make my self feel good.
Now, i give when the opportunity is present, and when i do, it is from a deep connection place, not from "me." The giving is to fill the other, to do the work that is there, to just love.
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| Friday, December 8th, 2006
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10:30 am - Void
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Blind from false light
inner eyes open wide
wondrous clarity of reality
humbles
she can only honor
him:
he
who dares to escape fantasy
pour out pure passion
no dream
such sublime sustenance
tasted only when the mouth is em-braced in truth
savored
in darkness
celebrated
in light
this is the heart of worship.
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| Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
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11:07 am - Emergence
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she comes invited,
singular among the feast of crows,
shroud of dark reality illuminated
by a Magician's cloak.
No escape from truth.
This Power has no ego.
Mastery is a humble submission
where hubris takes a bow,
leaves that fantastical stage,
and all the world's no play.
The littlest crow sits safely
in that knowing palm.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, October 9th, 2006
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9:44 pm - Dark Light
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He sits in the corner
Eyes quiet, watchful of that little girl
As the moon sings its sad serenade.
Soft note-streams flow.
Somewhere far below, the Devil laughs,
Sends heart-flames soaring
As the Circle locks itself around the two.
She kneels and kisses the threshold.
No division now between the worlds.
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| Monday, September 18th, 2006
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12:46 pm - Recognition
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Movement
Music
The beginning of a dance
Safety
As He steps inside
her conscious continent
cat-like along edges
fantasy to be reality
eros leashed
pierced
His wisdom-eye
opens
soft veils fall
little girl trembles
smiles:
recognition.
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| Sunday, September 10th, 2006
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7:16 pm - The Opening
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Belt debut
a small spell spins
small talk
the lure of soft saxophones under stars on a country night
The conversation turns
sinuously
she half remembers the brush of his fingertips on her leg
so casually, or?
There is truth in pain.
Show me the belt
and there it was
black light illumination
every place naked
Hold out your hand - palm up
Strike - the shock of recognition: here is a Master
eyes close, nipples harden
Take off your skirt
Turn around
And there it began:
The opening.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 27th, 2006
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7:08 pm - The Knowing-Place
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she waits
quietly
watchfully
all slave/goddess/little girl/
madonna/magdalene
innocent wisdom
wonder-eyes wide
The seed once nourished
reaches out
He touches her there
His Living Water showers
a rain of soul-truth tears
challenging her
into life.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 20th, 2006
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4:29 pm - Rite
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Dragon's egg breaks
under blood red moon
bitter sweet drops
anoint waiting lips
a birthing within an unholy gyre
soul turned
not tamed
Goddess rises
unshadowed.
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| Sunday, August 6th, 2006
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8:47 pm - Journey
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How do you know who anyone is
Worship cannot be given without one to ask
knees bent
head bowed
ego emptied
one to answer
soul stripping
benevolent tyrant
one to pour self out
living water to wash treasured feet
sheer longing
so complete
Master and slave
no privilege in this Power
The Door opens within
slave is summoned
examined in naked imprisonment
petitioner
petitioned
posession
property
creature
Still, it is we who decide
who and
what
we are.
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| Saturday, August 5th, 2006
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9:07 pm - The Price
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In a single stroke
bliss glimpsed
two lives change
The Lady
determined
in that tumultuous night
frames time
This is no ordinary tale of obsession
One Powerful exploration
unhinges forces of desire
secrets revealed in sweet maturity
Now
he kneels
pure male potential
beauty
intelligence
passion
slave.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, July 31st, 2006
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1:26 pm - Alchemy
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Here lie broken bits of confession
A soul triumphant
Once closeted like a treasured jewel
Now unleashed by this exotic witchery
Precious drops
Liquid passion pours dreamtime heroines
across fields of quiet vows
Untouched, not-quite-virgin
Half-heard moans
twinkling star dust
pure truth
The first love is simple
The rest stamp the heart
in
violent pleasure.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
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8:49 am - Eclipse
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They say when you die of grief
The only resurrection is poison
We walk the hottest street
la calle mas caliente,
not as lovers
Those eyes strong gazing
la mirada fuerte
my curandera
soul lust
futile instinct
my keeper
unthinkable need
not love,
Yet i love your lashes when you close your eyes
i love the pleat of your flesh when you cup your hand,
poised, patient,
pardoning me with pain
Not love
Don't touch me there
noli mi tangere
i don't know what's left of me
i give more
voluptuous suffering.
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| Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
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7:34 pm - Diary
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Mysterium tremendum: the face, half-shadowed
dark stain covers sins unnamed
signature of sadness
hidden
This gypsy reads the card:
Parody of Love
The whole man is in the walk
cat like flow, surreal djinn
a thirst that can never be appeased
Power not balanced
A melody plays
stark sweet dirge
Vampires don't give back.
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